Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Christmas
Number
Numbers
Feel
Insecure
Feels
Received
Sent
Count
Cards
More quotes by Milton Berle
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
