Quote

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Feel
Insecure
Feels
Received
Sent
Count
Cards
Christmas
Number
Numbers

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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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