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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Nice
Heart
Rash
Valentine
Shaped
Gave

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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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