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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Heart
Rash
Valentine
Shaped
Gave
Nice
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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