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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Heart
Rash
Valentine
Shaped
Gave
Nice

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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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