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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Flower
Law
Found
Mother
Wired
Fuse
Valentine
Flowers
More quotes by Milton Berle
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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