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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Fuse
Valentine
Flowers
Flower
Law
Found
Mother
Wired
More quotes by Milton Berle
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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