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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Flowers
Flower
Law
Found
Mother
Wired
Fuse
Valentine

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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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