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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Like
Puts
Machine
Machines
Door
Doors
Wife
Laundry
Open
Washing
Things
Valentine
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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