Quote

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Like
Puts
Machine
Machines
Door
Doors
Wife
Laundry
Open
Washing
Things
Valentine

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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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