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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Open
Washing
Things
Valentine
Like
Puts
Machine
Machines
Door
Doors
Wife
Laundry
More quotes by Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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