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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Card
Cards
Express
Wife
American
Littles
Wanted
Little
Valentine
More quotes by Milton Berle
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
