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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Little
Valentine
Card
Cards
Express
Wife
American
Littles
Wanted

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle