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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Wife
American
Littles
Wanted
Little
Valentine
Card
Cards
Express

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle