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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Cards
Express
Wife
American
Littles
Wanted
Little
Valentine
Card
More quotes by Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle