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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Born
Tell
Drug
Wonder
Age

More quotes by Milton Berle

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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle