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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Age
Born
Tell
Drug
Wonder

More quotes by Milton Berle

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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle