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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Drug
Wonder
Age
Born
Tell

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle