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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Medicine
Laughter
Best
World
More quotes by Milton Berle
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle