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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gave
Didn
Assessment
Grade
Grades
Lower
Test
Tests
Deserve

More quotes by Milton Berle

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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle