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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Lower
Test
Tests
Deserve
Gave
Didn
Assessment
Grade
Grades

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle