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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Tests
Deserve
Gave
Didn
Assessment
Grade
Grades
Lower
Test

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle