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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Feel
Eighty
Feels
Unfortunately
Twenty
Years
Twenties
Never
Year
Like
Two
Around
Women

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle