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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Years
Twenty
Never
Twenties
Like
Year
Two
Around
Women
Feel
Eighty
Feels
Unfortunately

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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