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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Humorous
Exercise
Looking
Life
Shipping
Contents
Dieting
Settled
Rough

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle