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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Humorous
Exercise
Looking
Life
Shipping
Contents
Dieting
Settled
Rough
More quotes by Milton Berle
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
Milton Berle
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
