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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Contents
Dieting
Settled
Rough
Humorous
Exercise
Looking
Life
Shipping

More quotes by Milton Berle

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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle