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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Humorous
Exercise
Looking
Shipping
Life
Contents
Dieting
Settled
Rough

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle