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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Looking
Life
Shipping
Contents
Dieting
Settled
Rough
Humorous
Exercise
More quotes by Milton Berle
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
