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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Contents
Dieting
Settled
Rough
Humorous
Exercise
Looking
Life
Shipping
More quotes by Milton Berle
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
Milton Berle
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
