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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Place
Earth
Krypton
Superman
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More quotes by Milton Berle

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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle