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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Left
Place
Earth
Krypton
Superman

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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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