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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Krypton
Superman
Left
Place
Earth

More quotes by Milton Berle

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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle