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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Men
Disagree
Washington
Gets
Hours
Speak
Doesn
Three
Thing
More quotes by Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
Milton Berle
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Milton Berle
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
