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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Gets
Hours
Speak
Doesn
Three
Thing
Men
Disagree
Washington
More quotes by Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
Milton Berle
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
