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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Speak
Doesn
Three
Thing
Men
Disagree
Washington
Gets
Hours
More quotes by Milton Berle
Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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