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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Years
Health
Think
Already
Thinking
Told
Jogging
Life
Funny
Doctor
Running
Add
Right
Ten
Feel
Doctors
Feels
Older
More quotes by Milton Berle
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle