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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Kids
Debating
School
Steroids
Steroid
Tough
Took
Teaching
Team
Education
More quotes by Milton Berle
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
