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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Campaign
Campaigns
Folks
Election
Promise
Land
America
Life
Folk

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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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