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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Life
Folk
Campaign
Campaigns
Folks
Election
Promise
Land
America

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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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