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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Promise
Land
America
Life
Folk
Campaign
Campaigns
Folks
Election
More quotes by Milton Berle
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
Milton Berle
I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
Milton Berle
Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
Milton Berle
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
Milton Berle
