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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Promise
Land
America
Life
Folk
Campaign
Campaigns
Folks
Election

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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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