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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Life
Sex
Interested
Marriage
Says
Trouble
Wife
Remember
Thing

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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