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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Life
Sex
Interested
Marriage
Says
Trouble
Wife
Remember
Thing

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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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