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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Later
Funny
Comes
Money
Fast
Amazing

More quotes by Milton Berle

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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
Milton Berle
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
Milton Berle
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
Milton Berle
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle