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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Men
Honoring
Sarcastic
Beings
Running
Human
Humans

More quotes by Milton Berle

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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
Milton Berle
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
Milton Berle
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
Milton Berle
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle