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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Honoring
Sarcastic
Beings
Running
Human
Humans
Men
More quotes by Milton Berle
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
Milton Berle
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
Milton Berle
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
Milton Berle
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
Milton Berle
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
Milton Berle
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
Milton Berle
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle
I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
Milton Berle
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Milton Berle
