Quote

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Tough
Santa
Wants
Billion
Year
List
Lasts
Gifts
Last
Lists
Years
Billions
Time
Christmas
Eight
Irs

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
Milton Berle
Image
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
Image
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
Image
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
Milton Berle
Image
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle
Image
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle
Image
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
Image
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Milton Berle
Image
I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
Milton Berle
Image
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
Milton Berle
Image
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
Image
For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
Milton Berle
Image
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Milton Berle
Image
Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
Milton Berle
Image
One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
Image
It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
Image
You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
Milton Berle
Image
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
Image
Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
Milton Berle
Image
Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
Milton Berle