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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Years
Billions
Time
Christmas
Eight
Irs
Tough
Santa
Wants
Billion
Year
List
Lasts
Gifts
Last
Lists

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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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