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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Last
Lists
Years
Billions
Time
Christmas
Eight
Irs
Tough
Santa
Wants
Billion
Year
List
Lasts
Gifts

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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle