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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Years
Billions
Time
Christmas
Eight
Irs
Tough
Santa
Wants
Billion
Year
List
Lasts
Gifts
Last
Lists
More quotes by Milton Berle
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
Milton Berle
