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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Lasts
Gifts
Last
Lists
Years
Billions
Time
Christmas
Eight
Irs
Tough
Santa
Wants
Billion
Year
List

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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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