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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Time
Christmas
Eight
Irs
Tough
Santa
Wants
Billion
Year
List
Lasts
Gifts
Last
Lists
Years
Billions

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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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