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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Problem
Women
Expired
Book
Hilarious
Time
Card
Life
Cards
Like
Library
Read
Funny

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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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