Quote

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Teacher
Accounting
Millions
Quarter
Company
Shy
Retiring
Quarters
Retirement
Dollars
Accountant
Million
Accountants

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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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