Quote

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Company
Shy
Retiring
Quarters
Retirement
Dollars
Accountant
Million
Accountants
Teacher
Accounting
Millions
Quarter

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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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