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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Retirement
Dollars
Accountant
Million
Accountants
Teacher
Accounting
Millions
Quarter
Company
Shy
Retiring
Quarters

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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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One of those Christmas songs says, You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout. How's my wife going to get along?
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Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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