Quote

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Says
Funny
Blank
Money
Killed
Form
Income
Forms
Filled
Taxes
Humor

More quotes by Milton Berle

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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.
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Money can't buy you happiness. It just helps you look for it in more places.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
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She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
Milton Berle
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Milton Berle