Quote

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Forms
Filled
Taxes
Humor
Says
Funny
Blank
Money
Killed
Form
Income

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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
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