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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Dies
Orders
White
Culinary
Jew
Order
Cooking
Persons
Bread
Person
Somewhere
Delicatessen
Goes
Pastrami
Food
Anytime
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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