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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Culinary
White
Order
Jew
Persons
Cooking
Person
Bread
Delicatessen
Somewhere
Pastrami
Goes
Anytime
Food
Orders
Dies
More quotes by Milton Berle
I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?
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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.
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It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle