Quote

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Dies
Orders
White
Culinary
Jew
Order
Cooking
Persons
Bread
Person
Somewhere
Delicatessen
Goes
Pastrami
Food
Anytime

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Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?
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I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
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I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.
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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
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Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
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Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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