Quote

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Milton Berle

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Name
Names
Funny
Experience
Hypocrite
Witty
Humorous
Forgotten

More quotes by Milton Berle

Image
Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.
Milton Berle
Image
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
Milton Berle
Image
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
Milton Berle
Image
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle
Image
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle
Image
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
Milton Berle
Image
I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
Milton Berle
Image
I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.
Milton Berle
Image
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
Milton Berle
Image
At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
Milton Berle
Image
I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift.
Milton Berle
Image
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
Image
It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!
Milton Berle
Image
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
Milton Berle
Image
You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.
Milton Berle
Image
I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
Milton Berle
Image
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
Milton Berle
Image
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
Milton Berle
Image
I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.
Milton Berle
Image
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
Milton Berle