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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle
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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Two
Humorous
Parental
Come
Mom
Hilarious
Work
Evolution
Mum
Really
Works
Mama
Baby
Parenting
Funny
Motherhood
Mother
Mothers
Hands
Comedian
Mothering
More quotes by Milton Berle
There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.
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For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.
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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
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I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.
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I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
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Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.
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