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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

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Milton Berle
Age: 93 †
Born: 1908
Born: July 12
Died: 2002
Died: March 27
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
New York City
New York
Come
Mom
Hilarious
Work
Evolution
Mum
Really
Works
Mama
Baby
Parenting
Funny
Motherhood
Mother
Mothers
Hands
Comedian
Mothering
Two
Humorous
Parental

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The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
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My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
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At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.
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I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!
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One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
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I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
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A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
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All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.
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I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.
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I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
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They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.
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It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
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Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.
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I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.
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My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year.
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